We begin with clips from last week's wedding.
We go to Vince and Vicky and he makes it official, Vicky is now GM. Now, can we move this storyline along?
Victoria def. Torrie Wilson via pinfall
Standard Torrie match, in other words it sucked. Cole actually says he is impressed with how Torrie has improved. Are you fucking kidding me? I believe she has been wrestling longer than any woman on the roster and fucking Victoria can't carry her to a decent match. New cookie cutter blond attacks Torrie after the match. Who cares?
VIP Lounge - celebration of MVP's 1st anniversary of his WWE career.
Bouncer looks like he forgot to open the rope for MVP. Funny stuff. All of MVP's peeps are there to party. Matt, of course interrupts. Apparently he is going to be the only guest in the VIP lounge. Matt makes a "video tribute" for MVP. We know where this is going. This is the best promo work we have gotten out of Matt since he came back from Whineaboutmyexville. These two pair up really well.
Chuck Palumbo def Kenny Dykstra via pinfall
Yeah. In case you didn't know Cole Slaw and JBL remind us that Chuck likes bikes.
Condemned promo without Santino. If he wants a stunner by Survivor Series, he needs to put more effort into it.
Jesse and Festus promo #7035, apparently they are actually going to wrestle next week.
Batista tries to put over the Punjabi Prison match. I don't think it was here, but at some point during the night JBL said "There is a reason there has only ever been one Punjabi Prison match." There sure is.... (Note: I was there live for the first one, I am not proud)
Kane def. MVP via DQ
This was one of Matt's gifts to MVP. Apparently Kane passes out to a bearhug in seconds, but MVP, who has been unstoppable lately, can't even come close to beating him, EVER. Seriously, Kane has got to be in the weirdest place on the roster as far as push goes. The US champ has to get himself DQ'd to save his LIFE, but the guy who the Undertaker (who Kane is booked as equal to when they fight, unless it is WrestleMania) squashes can kill him with a submission move that hasn't worked in ages. What the Fuck. Oh, kick to the Jimmy gets the intentional DQ.
Diva...You know I am not even going to type the title of this segment.
JBL interviews Rey. Complete repeat of last week, including run-in by Finlay.
Vicky strips Hornswaggle of the Cruiserweight title "for his safety". OK.
Jamie Noble def. Shannon Moore via pinfall
Jamie Noble is the only guy ever beaten by a lepruchan. Did you know that? Once again we are reminded of it over and over.
Khali tries to put over the Pujabi Prison match. I am now convinced that the translations are not even real, as I never heard Khali say Rey or Mysterio once, yet his translater did several times. That is sad, I am sure Khali actually knows the language since he is actually from there, and it can't be that expensive to hire an actual interpreter. What the fuck? Why not do an actual translation? Can the man not even cut a decent promo in his native language?
Taker def. Henry via pinfall
Duh.
This was kind of a drag and a bad one for me to return on. The commentary was especially bad, far worse then usual. None of the matches were significant in any way. Finally we had a complete repeat of an interview segment from last week. What's the point.
Saturday, September 29, 2007
Sunday, September 2, 2007
Open Letter to...TNA
Dear TNA Management,
What are you going to do about the steriod issues in the news now. Kurt Angle your only champion has been named for having illegally purchasing drugs without a perscription.
WWE has suspended a large number of their talent, and have implemented a drug policy over a year ago. Clearly it is not perfect, but they are at least trying to do SOMETHING about the problem. You seem to have enacted Operation: Head in the Sand.
Do something or Congress will, just ask Vince McMahon.
A Concerned Fan
What are you going to do about the steriod issues in the news now. Kurt Angle your only champion has been named for having illegally purchasing drugs without a perscription.
WWE has suspended a large number of their talent, and have implemented a drug policy over a year ago. Clearly it is not perfect, but they are at least trying to do SOMETHING about the problem. You seem to have enacted Operation: Head in the Sand.
Do something or Congress will, just ask Vince McMahon.
A Concerned Fan
Saturday, September 1, 2007
SmackDown! Report
We start with Khali and Teddy in the ring. Teddy announces a tournament that will take place tonight. Finlay vs. Kane and Batista vs. Mysterio with the winner facing in the main event.
Finlay def. Kane via pinfall
Kane chucks the shillelagh all the way up the entrance ramp. Hornswaggle puts another one in Finlay's corner. Decent match, Hornswaggle distraction allows for the SHACKALACKI shot. Finlay gets the pin.
Jesse and Festus episode 1,548.
Matt Hardy and MVP def. Duece 'n Domino for the WWE Tag Team Championships when MVP pinned Domino
Awesome match here. MVP cooporates just enough to win the titles, but still manages to maintain his heelish ways. MVP gets the pin off of Matt hitting a ToF and MVP throwing Matt out of the ring. Great stuff. This could get really fun with these two holding the tag straps. Hopefully they have them defend them, instead of using the belts as extra drama. "Oh my God the Tag Champs are fighting each other, have you ever seen anything like this JBL?" "Not since the last time, Cole."
Vince's bastard son search: Batista
Rey Mysterio def Batista via DQ
Ok let me get this straight, Finlay gets to rest the entire show before the main event and the winner of this match gets all of a Masterlock Challenge. Yep, suspension of disbelief, CATCH IT! Good match while it lasted. Finlay blatently attacks Rey to get him the DQ win, because he suddenly doesn't love to fight quite so much anymore.
Vince strokes his ego by bringing out models that "he banged". Whatever. I think they did this to make HHH's skit on RAW seem entertaining by comparison.
Non-Masterlock Challenge. It's a damn ambush, Chucky, run. Oh wait, Masters is a puss and Palumbo beats his ass. Do we even need bullshit endings on Masterlock Challenges now?
Rey Mysterio def. Finlay via pinfall to become #1 Contender for the World Heavyweight Championship
Finlay plays the part of big bully, which never works against Rey, so we know who is going to win. Like we didn't already. (I had this spoiled for me, but I am pretty sure I could have figured out that Finlay wasn't going to be #1 contender) Still, it is Rey and Finlay, so it can't really suck. Not as good as the Tag Team match, but still damn fine. After the match Khali comes out and shows us just how tiny Rey looks compared to him.
So now we get Rey vs. Really Big Guy 2007 for Unforgiven. Oh well, could be worse.
Finlay def. Kane via pinfall
Kane chucks the shillelagh all the way up the entrance ramp. Hornswaggle puts another one in Finlay's corner. Decent match, Hornswaggle distraction allows for the SHACKALACKI shot. Finlay gets the pin.
Jesse and Festus episode 1,548.
Matt Hardy and MVP def. Duece 'n Domino for the WWE Tag Team Championships when MVP pinned Domino
Awesome match here. MVP cooporates just enough to win the titles, but still manages to maintain his heelish ways. MVP gets the pin off of Matt hitting a ToF and MVP throwing Matt out of the ring. Great stuff. This could get really fun with these two holding the tag straps. Hopefully they have them defend them, instead of using the belts as extra drama. "Oh my God the Tag Champs are fighting each other, have you ever seen anything like this JBL?" "Not since the last time, Cole."
Vince's bastard son search: Batista
Rey Mysterio def Batista via DQ
Ok let me get this straight, Finlay gets to rest the entire show before the main event and the winner of this match gets all of a Masterlock Challenge. Yep, suspension of disbelief, CATCH IT! Good match while it lasted. Finlay blatently attacks Rey to get him the DQ win, because he suddenly doesn't love to fight quite so much anymore.
Vince strokes his ego by bringing out models that "he banged". Whatever. I think they did this to make HHH's skit on RAW seem entertaining by comparison.
Non-Masterlock Challenge. It's a damn ambush, Chucky, run. Oh wait, Masters is a puss and Palumbo beats his ass. Do we even need bullshit endings on Masterlock Challenges now?
Rey Mysterio def. Finlay via pinfall to become #1 Contender for the World Heavyweight Championship
Finlay plays the part of big bully, which never works against Rey, so we know who is going to win. Like we didn't already. (I had this spoiled for me, but I am pretty sure I could have figured out that Finlay wasn't going to be #1 contender) Still, it is Rey and Finlay, so it can't really suck. Not as good as the Tag Team match, but still damn fine. After the match Khali comes out and shows us just how tiny Rey looks compared to him.
So now we get Rey vs. Really Big Guy 2007 for Unforgiven. Oh well, could be worse.
Friday, August 31, 2007
Quick Impact Review; Special Suspension Coverage
Apologies to TNA fans, this is going to be a quick summary of Impact due to the big story that requires coverage today.
Team Pacman promo.
Angle and Nash skit. Karen is going to suck more people in.
Team 3D vs Motor City Machine Guns no contest
Scott Steiner sees something entertaining is about to happen so he stops it. We get a Steiner beatdown instead.
MCMG make open challenge.
Voodoo Kin Mafia def. Motor City Machine Guns when BG James pinned Chris Sabin
Stupid short match. The return of The One and Only as a finisher? blah
Voodoo Kin then make an open challenge. Leads to a big brawl which we see about 3 seconds of
Cut to Karen Angle being stupid and trying to talk to Samoa Joe. I will sum up all the Karen skits here. She goes to each person, who is competing to become Angle's partner if they win. She, for some reason, tries to convince them to become Angle's partner. WTF?????? That's the point of the match, the 4 minutes spent on these skits could have been used to make the VKM vs MCMG match 5 minutes instead of 1 minute. FUCK TNA.
Sting def. Christian Cage, Samoa Joe, and AJ Styles via submission on AJ Styles.
Sweet match only high point of show.
If they are going to go 2 hours they need to be able to have more than one entertaing thing per show, or they will lose ratings. Fans are more likely to sit through 30 minutes of crap to see one good match than 90 minutes.
__________________________________
The shit has hit the fan.
The WWE has suspended 10 wrestlers and potentially 2 more for using steriods and steroid related drugs without a prescription. They have not reported names, but news organizations have released names of people who have done this. Here is the list as of this writing.
Randy Orton
Edge
Charlie Haas
Booker T
Gregory Helms
Mike Bucci
Santino Marella
John Morrison
William Regal
Mr. Kennedy
Chavo Guerrero
Funaki
Batista
Chris Masters
Umaga
Sylvain Grenier
Note all the details that have been release suggest these infractions happened AFTER the Wellness Policy was put in place.
Now some of them in detail
Randy Orton: He has been a problem outside the ring since they hired him. I happen to like his in ring work. That being said, fire this guy already. He obviously needs some time off to appreciate the opportunity he has been given.
Edge: LIAR!!!
Booker T: Giving those kids someone to look up to, huh? WTF Booker.
Gregory Helms: Was injured, may or not be legitimate, but if it was, he should have gone to a DOCTOR
Santino Marella: Just be glad you don't work for Cornette anymore. (you know I had to get at least one joke in.)
John Morrison: I bet they wished they had pulled the trigger on CM Punk now, huh? I bet he is having a good laugh.
William Regal: Odd, I know some people say there is no particular look for steroid users. While that is true, there is a TYPICAL look for one, as that is kinda the point of using them.
Mr. Kennedy: HUUUUUUUGE LIAR!!!...LIAR!
Chavo: Nothing on record past a few months after Eddie's death, maybe he got smart. If not WTF, Chavo. What is it going to take. You have arguably been impacted by drugs more than anyone else in the business today.
Batista: Duh
Masters: DUH!!!
Umaga: Why?
Sylvain Grenier: No longer employed by WWE, but was when he purchased the drugs.
Team Pacman promo.
Angle and Nash skit. Karen is going to suck more people in.
Team 3D vs Motor City Machine Guns no contest
Scott Steiner sees something entertaining is about to happen so he stops it. We get a Steiner beatdown instead.
MCMG make open challenge.
Voodoo Kin Mafia def. Motor City Machine Guns when BG James pinned Chris Sabin
Stupid short match. The return of The One and Only as a finisher? blah
Voodoo Kin then make an open challenge. Leads to a big brawl which we see about 3 seconds of
Cut to Karen Angle being stupid and trying to talk to Samoa Joe. I will sum up all the Karen skits here. She goes to each person, who is competing to become Angle's partner if they win. She, for some reason, tries to convince them to become Angle's partner. WTF?????? That's the point of the match, the 4 minutes spent on these skits could have been used to make the VKM vs MCMG match 5 minutes instead of 1 minute. FUCK TNA.
Sting def. Christian Cage, Samoa Joe, and AJ Styles via submission on AJ Styles.
Sweet match only high point of show.
If they are going to go 2 hours they need to be able to have more than one entertaing thing per show, or they will lose ratings. Fans are more likely to sit through 30 minutes of crap to see one good match than 90 minutes.
__________________________________
The shit has hit the fan.
The WWE has suspended 10 wrestlers and potentially 2 more for using steriods and steroid related drugs without a prescription. They have not reported names, but news organizations have released names of people who have done this. Here is the list as of this writing.
Randy Orton
Edge
Charlie Haas
Booker T
Gregory Helms
Mike Bucci
Santino Marella
John Morrison
William Regal
Mr. Kennedy
Chavo Guerrero
Funaki
Batista
Chris Masters
Umaga
Sylvain Grenier
Note all the details that have been release suggest these infractions happened AFTER the Wellness Policy was put in place.
Now some of them in detail
Randy Orton: He has been a problem outside the ring since they hired him. I happen to like his in ring work. That being said, fire this guy already. He obviously needs some time off to appreciate the opportunity he has been given.
Edge: LIAR!!!
Booker T: Giving those kids someone to look up to, huh? WTF Booker.
Gregory Helms: Was injured, may or not be legitimate, but if it was, he should have gone to a DOCTOR
Santino Marella: Just be glad you don't work for Cornette anymore. (you know I had to get at least one joke in.)
John Morrison: I bet they wished they had pulled the trigger on CM Punk now, huh? I bet he is having a good laugh.
William Regal: Odd, I know some people say there is no particular look for steroid users. While that is true, there is a TYPICAL look for one, as that is kinda the point of using them.
Mr. Kennedy: HUUUUUUUGE LIAR!!!...LIAR!
Chavo: Nothing on record past a few months after Eddie's death, maybe he got smart. If not WTF, Chavo. What is it going to take. You have arguably been impacted by drugs more than anyone else in the business today.
Batista: Duh
Masters: DUH!!!
Umaga: Why?
Sylvain Grenier: No longer employed by WWE, but was when he purchased the drugs.
Thursday, August 30, 2007
This week in news...August 30th
Several TNA wrestlers have been told that Impact will be going to two hours in October. Fantastic. This is a great thing. Let's hope that it improves the product.
Bryan Danielson has been injured and will not be able to compete in the NWA World Heavyweight Championship Tournament finals. This is a shame. He would have likely gone over here. NWA doesn't mean a whole lot anymore, but that title does. It is still referenced on WWE TV, and holding it could have given WWE a reason to hire him. Adam Pierce, who he beat in the semi-finals will take his place. Let's hope he recovers quickly.
Nick Bollea (Hogan) was in a high speed car accident. His friend was critically injured. Everybody should make it though, so they were lucky. He probably didn't feel so lucky when Hulk got him home though.
Sunny is hot again
Dusty is going to step away from the book probably. This is because he doesn't want a perception that Cody is getting pushed because of him. Gotta respect that. I am torn though, as Dusty as part of a team has seemingly had a positive influence on booking. Nothing lasts forever.
This weeks rumored WWE hires: D-Lo Brown, Matt Sydel and Rosey. Three talented guys. However, they only really need more people if they plan on making ECW two hours. Especially considering they have so many people who are returning from injury in the next few months.
This weeks rumored TNA hires: None of note
Ric Flair looks to be retiring soon. This is good, he has pressed his luck enough, I think. He should quit while he is still performing at a respectable level. No one wants to remember Ric Flair as a broken down old man who won't let go.
Bryan Danielson has been injured and will not be able to compete in the NWA World Heavyweight Championship Tournament finals. This is a shame. He would have likely gone over here. NWA doesn't mean a whole lot anymore, but that title does. It is still referenced on WWE TV, and holding it could have given WWE a reason to hire him. Adam Pierce, who he beat in the semi-finals will take his place. Let's hope he recovers quickly.
Nick Bollea (Hogan) was in a high speed car accident. His friend was critically injured. Everybody should make it though, so they were lucky. He probably didn't feel so lucky when Hulk got him home though.
Sunny is hot again
Dusty is going to step away from the book probably. This is because he doesn't want a perception that Cody is getting pushed because of him. Gotta respect that. I am torn though, as Dusty as part of a team has seemingly had a positive influence on booking. Nothing lasts forever.
This weeks rumored WWE hires: D-Lo Brown, Matt Sydel and Rosey. Three talented guys. However, they only really need more people if they plan on making ECW two hours. Especially considering they have so many people who are returning from injury in the next few months.
This weeks rumored TNA hires: None of note
Ric Flair looks to be retiring soon. This is good, he has pressed his luck enough, I think. He should quit while he is still performing at a respectable level. No one wants to remember Ric Flair as a broken down old man who won't let go.
Wednesday, August 29, 2007
ECW Results
John Morrison enters with wind machine and slow motion. He advertises the main event and puts himself over.
Kevin Thorn def. Stevie Richards via pinfall
This is every other match they have had Thorn is brutal Stevie gets in some kicks. Thorn wins.
Miz taunts Balls some more.
Elijah Burk def Balls Mahoney via pinfall
Miz and Extreme Expose are at ringside. This was decent, nothing too exciting. All the normal spots. Elijah gets the Express for the win. Kelly comforts Balls.
CM Punk def. The Miz, Big Daddy V, and The Boogeyman via pinfall on the Miz to become #1 Contender for the ECW Championship
Again good, but nothing special. They protect Boogey and V by having them take big bumps, so they are not involved in the finished. CM Punk beats Miz with the moves of doom.
Overall, blah.
Kevin Thorn def. Stevie Richards via pinfall
This is every other match they have had Thorn is brutal Stevie gets in some kicks. Thorn wins.
Miz taunts Balls some more.
Elijah Burk def Balls Mahoney via pinfall
Miz and Extreme Expose are at ringside. This was decent, nothing too exciting. All the normal spots. Elijah gets the Express for the win. Kelly comforts Balls.
CM Punk def. The Miz, Big Daddy V, and The Boogeyman via pinfall on the Miz to become #1 Contender for the ECW Championship
Again good, but nothing special. They protect Boogey and V by having them take big bumps, so they are not involved in the finished. CM Punk beats Miz with the moves of doom.
Overall, blah.
Tuesday, August 28, 2007
Raw Results
Randy Orton whines, bringing out Cena. Cena marks out for HHH in a disgusting display. Somehow he believes that by winning one match HHH deserves a shot at him. Yeah, that makes sense. This brings out Regal, who refuses to call anyone Sunshine (damn him). He proceeds to make even less sense by saying that Booker, who lost to HHH deserves that shot. Great. Once again, we are back to Regal likes Booker just because Regal is English and Booker is a king. We end the segment with Cena denying an RKO attempt and making Orton his bitch.
Hardy def. Kennedy by DQ
This was a good match, Kennedy sold like a pro. During the match, JR proves that he really doesn't watch UFC, by showing he has no fucking idea what ground and pound means. There was also a sick spot with Kennedy putting his knees up to block the Swanton. If only Gorilla Monsoon were still alive doing play-by-play, "He just broke Jeff in half, literally". Then Jamala came down and chased off Kennedy and went all crazy on Jeffrey. So they had You-maga go face just so they could have him fill in for a couple of matches. WTF is that? Maybe he is a tweener now, I don't know.
Father and son compare power walks.
Carlito's Cabana
Vince is our guest. He threatens to sue the mother of his bastard child for emotional distress in two weeks if she doesn't reveal his son's identity. Triple H comes out and introduces some fat chicks that Vince has banged. Vince plays along. Then out comes Carilto's "sister". Carlito is pissed. Vince says they thought Carly was sleeping. I have a hard time imagining a scenario where this happens and Vince isn't a pedo. Fantastic. And finally we get a tranny. Oh yeah, and Vince loves cocks. You know, sophomoric humor was funny when I was...a sophomore in high school. This was a waste of time. Vince leaves, Carlito waits around for his Pedigree. HHH is taking his time, so Carlito gets impatient and demands his pedigree, NOW. HHH gives in.
Cody Rhodes, Paul London and Brian Kendrick def. TWGTT and Daivari when Cody pinned Daivari
Decent match, not much of note. Cody wins with a flying cross body, when is the last time you have seen that? Also, what is up with Haas's tights? And Shelton's hair?
We come back from commercial and "The pride of Detroit" is still spouting Pharsi. Guess what Cryme Tyme sells this week. Cade and Murdoch come for revenge, but just get Cade's hat stolen and given away. Isn't knowingly receiving stolen property a crime. I guess heels don't know that they could just call the police. Cuz their evil.
Orton treats Vince's office like a hotel room. Vince, had to remind him that they were live, I think. As the stare down at the beginning was awfully long. Vince finally screamed "WELL WHAT DO YOU WANT?" all impatient like. Vince says Randy needs to earn his shot.
Beth Pheonix kills Maria before the bell for a No Contest
Grisham's Corner with Candice. Snitsky interupts to remind us he likes to hurt people.
Regal tells Vince that the rest of the McMahon's are bringing their lawyer's next week.
John Cena def. King Booker via DQ
Cena shows us how to have a match with Booker. Good stuff. And we are in Boston, so "Let's go Booker" chants replace "Cena Sucks". Randy does the run-in. They beat down Cena. Booker leaves. Cena seems ready to deliver the concussionator to Cena, but stops at the last second. He bolts out of the ring, flips Cena's dad over the barricade and kicks his head into the gorilla position. That was fucking brutal.
Some entertaining stuff, kinda sucks that out of 4 matches we get 1 finish. But, going any further into that is beating a dead horse.
Hardy def. Kennedy by DQ
This was a good match, Kennedy sold like a pro. During the match, JR proves that he really doesn't watch UFC, by showing he has no fucking idea what ground and pound means. There was also a sick spot with Kennedy putting his knees up to block the Swanton. If only Gorilla Monsoon were still alive doing play-by-play, "He just broke Jeff in half, literally". Then Jamala came down and chased off Kennedy and went all crazy on Jeffrey. So they had You-maga go face just so they could have him fill in for a couple of matches. WTF is that? Maybe he is a tweener now, I don't know.
Father and son compare power walks.
Carlito's Cabana
Vince is our guest. He threatens to sue the mother of his bastard child for emotional distress in two weeks if she doesn't reveal his son's identity. Triple H comes out and introduces some fat chicks that Vince has banged. Vince plays along. Then out comes Carilto's "sister". Carlito is pissed. Vince says they thought Carly was sleeping. I have a hard time imagining a scenario where this happens and Vince isn't a pedo. Fantastic. And finally we get a tranny. Oh yeah, and Vince loves cocks. You know, sophomoric humor was funny when I was...a sophomore in high school. This was a waste of time. Vince leaves, Carlito waits around for his Pedigree. HHH is taking his time, so Carlito gets impatient and demands his pedigree, NOW. HHH gives in.
Cody Rhodes, Paul London and Brian Kendrick def. TWGTT and Daivari when Cody pinned Daivari
Decent match, not much of note. Cody wins with a flying cross body, when is the last time you have seen that? Also, what is up with Haas's tights? And Shelton's hair?
We come back from commercial and "The pride of Detroit" is still spouting Pharsi. Guess what Cryme Tyme sells this week. Cade and Murdoch come for revenge, but just get Cade's hat stolen and given away. Isn't knowingly receiving stolen property a crime. I guess heels don't know that they could just call the police. Cuz their evil.
Orton treats Vince's office like a hotel room. Vince, had to remind him that they were live, I think. As the stare down at the beginning was awfully long. Vince finally screamed "WELL WHAT DO YOU WANT?" all impatient like. Vince says Randy needs to earn his shot.
Beth Pheonix kills Maria before the bell for a No Contest
Grisham's Corner with Candice. Snitsky interupts to remind us he likes to hurt people.
Regal tells Vince that the rest of the McMahon's are bringing their lawyer's next week.
John Cena def. King Booker via DQ
Cena shows us how to have a match with Booker. Good stuff. And we are in Boston, so "Let's go Booker" chants replace "Cena Sucks". Randy does the run-in. They beat down Cena. Booker leaves. Cena seems ready to deliver the concussionator to Cena, but stops at the last second. He bolts out of the ring, flips Cena's dad over the barricade and kicks his head into the gorilla position. That was fucking brutal.
Some entertaining stuff, kinda sucks that out of 4 matches we get 1 finish. But, going any further into that is beating a dead horse.
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