I'm Back/SmackDown Report

We begin with clips from last week's wedding.



We go to Vince and Vicky and he makes it official, Vicky is now GM. Now, can we move this storyline along?

Victoria def. Torrie Wilson via pinfall
Standard Torrie match, in other words it sucked. Cole actually says he is impressed with how Torrie has improved. Are you fucking kidding me? I believe she has been wrestling longer than any woman on the roster and fucking Victoria can't carry her to a decent match. New cookie cutter blond attacks Torrie after the match. Who cares?

VIP Lounge - celebration of MVP's 1st anniversary of his WWE career.
Bouncer looks like he forgot to open the rope for MVP. Funny stuff. All of MVP's peeps are there to party. Matt, of course interrupts. Apparently he is going to be the only guest in the VIP lounge. Matt makes a "video tribute" for MVP. We know where this is going. This is the best promo work we have gotten out of Matt since he came back from Whineaboutmyexville. These two pair up really well.

Chuck Palumbo def Kenny Dykstra via pinfall
Yeah. In case you didn't know Cole Slaw and JBL remind us that Chuck likes bikes.

Condemned promo without Santino. If he wants a stunner by Survivor Series, he needs to put more effort into it.

Jesse and Festus promo #7035, apparently they are actually going to wrestle next week.

Batista tries to put over the Punjabi Prison match. I don't think it was here, but at some point during the night JBL said "There is a reason there has only ever been one Punjabi Prison match." There sure is.... (Note: I was there live for the first one, I am not proud)

Kane def. MVP via DQ
This was one of Matt's gifts to MVP. Apparently Kane passes out to a bearhug in seconds, but MVP, who has been unstoppable lately, can't even come close to beating him, EVER. Seriously, Kane has got to be in the weirdest place on the roster as far as push goes. The US champ has to get himself DQ'd to save his LIFE, but the guy who the Undertaker (who Kane is booked as equal to when they fight, unless it is WrestleMania) squashes can kill him with a submission move that hasn't worked in ages. What the Fuck. Oh, kick to the Jimmy gets the intentional DQ.

Diva...You know I am not even going to type the title of this segment.

JBL interviews Rey. Complete repeat of last week, including run-in by Finlay.

Vicky strips Hornswaggle of the Cruiserweight title "for his safety". OK.

Jamie Noble def. Shannon Moore via pinfall
Jamie Noble is the only guy ever beaten by a lepruchan. Did you know that? Once again we are reminded of it over and over.

Khali tries to put over the Pujabi Prison match. I am now convinced that the translations are not even real, as I never heard Khali say Rey or Mysterio once, yet his translater did several times. That is sad, I am sure Khali actually knows the language since he is actually from there, and it can't be that expensive to hire an actual interpreter. What the fuck? Why not do an actual translation? Can the man not even cut a decent promo in his native language?

Taker def. Henry via pinfall
Duh.

This was kind of a drag and a bad one for me to return on. The commentary was especially bad, far worse then usual. None of the matches were significant in any way. Finally we had a complete repeat of an interview segment from last week. What's the point.

Open Letter to...TNA

Dear TNA Management,

What are you going to do about the steriod issues in the news now. Kurt Angle your only champion has been named for having illegally purchasing drugs without a perscription.

WWE has suspended a large number of their talent, and have implemented a drug policy over a year ago. Clearly it is not perfect, but they are at least trying to do SOMETHING about the problem. You seem to have enacted Operation: Head in the Sand.

Do something or Congress will, just ask Vince McMahon.

A Concerned Fan

SmackDown! Report

We start with Khali and Teddy in the ring. Teddy announces a tournament that will take place tonight. Finlay vs. Kane and Batista vs. Mysterio with the winner facing in the main event.

Finlay def. Kane via pinfall
Kane chucks the shillelagh all the way up the entrance ramp. Hornswaggle puts another one in Finlay's corner. Decent match, Hornswaggle distraction allows for the SHACKALACKI shot. Finlay gets the pin.

Jesse and Festus episode 1,548.

Matt Hardy and MVP def. Duece 'n Domino for the WWE Tag Team Championships when MVP pinned Domino
Awesome match here. MVP cooporates just enough to win the titles, but still manages to maintain his heelish ways. MVP gets the pin off of Matt hitting a ToF and MVP throwing Matt out of the ring. Great stuff. This could get really fun with these two holding the tag straps. Hopefully they have them defend them, instead of using the belts as extra drama. "Oh my God the Tag Champs are fighting each other, have you ever seen anything like this JBL?" "Not since the last time, Cole."

Vince's bastard son search: Batista

Rey Mysterio def Batista via DQ
Ok let me get this straight, Finlay gets to rest the entire show before the main event and the winner of this match gets all of a Masterlock Challenge. Yep, suspension of disbelief, CATCH IT! Good match while it lasted. Finlay blatently attacks Rey to get him the DQ win, because he suddenly doesn't love to fight quite so much anymore.

Vince strokes his ego by bringing out models that "he banged". Whatever. I think they did this to make HHH's skit on RAW seem entertaining by comparison.

Non-Masterlock Challenge. It's a damn ambush, Chucky, run. Oh wait, Masters is a puss and Palumbo beats his ass. Do we even need bullshit endings on Masterlock Challenges now?

Rey Mysterio def. Finlay via pinfall to become #1 Contender for the World Heavyweight Championship
Finlay plays the part of big bully, which never works against Rey, so we know who is going to win. Like we didn't already. (I had this spoiled for me, but I am pretty sure I could have figured out that Finlay wasn't going to be #1 contender) Still, it is Rey and Finlay, so it can't really suck. Not as good as the Tag Team match, but still damn fine. After the match Khali comes out and shows us just how tiny Rey looks compared to him.

So now we get Rey vs. Really Big Guy 2007 for Unforgiven. Oh well, could be worse.