I'm Back/SmackDown Report

We begin with clips from last week's wedding.



We go to Vince and Vicky and he makes it official, Vicky is now GM. Now, can we move this storyline along?

Victoria def. Torrie Wilson via pinfall
Standard Torrie match, in other words it sucked. Cole actually says he is impressed with how Torrie has improved. Are you fucking kidding me? I believe she has been wrestling longer than any woman on the roster and fucking Victoria can't carry her to a decent match. New cookie cutter blond attacks Torrie after the match. Who cares?

VIP Lounge - celebration of MVP's 1st anniversary of his WWE career.
Bouncer looks like he forgot to open the rope for MVP. Funny stuff. All of MVP's peeps are there to party. Matt, of course interrupts. Apparently he is going to be the only guest in the VIP lounge. Matt makes a "video tribute" for MVP. We know where this is going. This is the best promo work we have gotten out of Matt since he came back from Whineaboutmyexville. These two pair up really well.

Chuck Palumbo def Kenny Dykstra via pinfall
Yeah. In case you didn't know Cole Slaw and JBL remind us that Chuck likes bikes.

Condemned promo without Santino. If he wants a stunner by Survivor Series, he needs to put more effort into it.

Jesse and Festus promo #7035, apparently they are actually going to wrestle next week.

Batista tries to put over the Punjabi Prison match. I don't think it was here, but at some point during the night JBL said "There is a reason there has only ever been one Punjabi Prison match." There sure is.... (Note: I was there live for the first one, I am not proud)

Kane def. MVP via DQ
This was one of Matt's gifts to MVP. Apparently Kane passes out to a bearhug in seconds, but MVP, who has been unstoppable lately, can't even come close to beating him, EVER. Seriously, Kane has got to be in the weirdest place on the roster as far as push goes. The US champ has to get himself DQ'd to save his LIFE, but the guy who the Undertaker (who Kane is booked as equal to when they fight, unless it is WrestleMania) squashes can kill him with a submission move that hasn't worked in ages. What the Fuck. Oh, kick to the Jimmy gets the intentional DQ.

Diva...You know I am not even going to type the title of this segment.

JBL interviews Rey. Complete repeat of last week, including run-in by Finlay.

Vicky strips Hornswaggle of the Cruiserweight title "for his safety". OK.

Jamie Noble def. Shannon Moore via pinfall
Jamie Noble is the only guy ever beaten by a lepruchan. Did you know that? Once again we are reminded of it over and over.

Khali tries to put over the Pujabi Prison match. I am now convinced that the translations are not even real, as I never heard Khali say Rey or Mysterio once, yet his translater did several times. That is sad, I am sure Khali actually knows the language since he is actually from there, and it can't be that expensive to hire an actual interpreter. What the fuck? Why not do an actual translation? Can the man not even cut a decent promo in his native language?

Taker def. Henry via pinfall
Duh.

This was kind of a drag and a bad one for me to return on. The commentary was especially bad, far worse then usual. None of the matches were significant in any way. Finally we had a complete repeat of an interview segment from last week. What's the point.